In a television interview about the first instalment of The Devil Wears Prada — a film she had starred in 26 years earlier — Meryl Streep, who said during the interview that she was 56 at the time, revealed some of the secrets and feelings she had experienced when she received the offer to lead a film that Hollywood's biggest production studios were betting on, even as she believed that her advancing age was preventing her from landing major roles and commanding high fees. "When they offered me the role in The Devil Wears Prada, I initially refused. I also hesitated to ask for a high salary, and when they told me the fee I refused that too, because the amount on offer was too low. I didn't ask for much — I simply doubled the figure, and they agreed!"
She continued: "But it took me a while to realise that the film would not have succeeded without me, and that they were certain of that. They needed me just as much as I needed the role and the starring part. It took me decades to understand that I could simply ask for what I deserve, because I have a great deal to offer."
Streep was speaking like someone distilling an experience of the utmost importance — one centred on the difference between gratitude and entitlement. Being grateful for life and its opportunities is one thing; recognising your own worth and knowing what your talents and abilities deserve is quite another. For that reason, many people master the art of feeling grateful for an opportunity that comes their way unexpectedly — a job, a starring role, a company chairmanship, a political position — yet they stop at the boundary of that gratitude, allowing the feeling of thankfulness to become an unconscious surrender of their rights. They become preoccupied with being grateful that someone gave them a chance, rather than with assessing the abilities and talents they possess, or considering how much the other party needs them.
Streep learned from the film's spectacular success and its enormous box-office revenues that genuine opportunities do not arise from one party's generosity towards another, but from the meeting of two needs: the need of the person offering the opportunity to find someone capable of delivering results, and the need of that person for a space in which to prove their competence. Once an individual grasps this truth and makes peace with the value of what they bring, gratitude ceases to be a reason for concession and instead becomes the starting point for a balanced negotiation.
A person's knowledge of their own worth is not arrogance; it is an awareness of the experience they possess — and that awareness gives them the power to shift the terms of any offer or negotiation in their favour.